Play ball

Sort of gives in the pocket new meaning.

Mom was right

Remember your mother always telling you to be sure to wear clean underwear each day when you go out. Just because you never know, accidents happen and you don't want to be caught with dirty undies, or in his case no undies.

Oh how I feel for the poor firefighter right now.

Proselytizer be gone!

Ok not an ad, sign or stupid human, but something I found to be as funny as hell none the less. Something one might try when those pesky proselytizers come a knocking at your door. I don't know if it is the late hour here or my spiked lemonade but I am giving serious consideration to this idea. I am perfectly happy in my heathen ways here and have no desire to convert to any other belief system. I enjoy being a sarcastic beotch too much. ;P

This about sums it up

Any one else feel like they are taking it up the ass when it comes to gas prices. Our local news reports that our area is paying fifteen cents more than the national average. The cheapest I have seen has been $3.49 in my area. SOMETHING NEEDS TO BE DONE ABOUT THIS, come Memorial Day weekend they are expecting at least $4.00 a gallon. I wonder when the rationing is going to start.

How about some fries to go with that shake?

Now that is what he calls a Happy Meal.
You cannot wipe that grin of Ronald's face.
Kind of gives new meaning to the McDonald's Playplace don't it?

Were you expecting anything less of me? If you have been following this blog you should have known better by now. (For the record no that is not me.)

I got a VD!!

And you can have one too, well that and number of other ailments.
Giant Microbes

Yes gone are the days of stuffed bears, puppies, and bunnies. Nothing says I love you like giving the one you love the Clap.

According to their site~ We make stuffed animals that look like tiny microbes—only a million times actual size! Now available: The Common Cold, The Flu, Sore Throat, Stomach Ache, Cough, Ear Ache, Bad Breath, Kissing Disease, Athlete's Foot, Ulcer, Martian Life, Beer & Bread, Black Death, Ebola, Flesh Eating, Sleeping Sickness, Dust Mite, Bed Bug, and Bookworm (and in our Professional line: H.I.V. and Hepatitis).

Each 5-to-7 inch doll is accompanied by an image of the real microbe it represents, as well as information about the microbe.

They make great learning tools for parents and educators, as well as amusing gifts for anyone with a sense of humor!
* * * *
What a clever way to let your latest lay know that now they too may have herpes. Sure beats the old, "umm by the way there is something you should know", speech. How could they be mad at you once you hand them that cute little critter?

So this Valentines Day forget the roses or jewelry because nothing says I love you babe like Chlamydia does.

A woman after my own heart.

You go girl!

If you need this...you should not reproduce.

Now if you need instructions on how to check a baby's diaper, it probably means that you should not breed. Ever.

While it will cause great amusement for others, "hey honey, remember when Billy was a baby and I asked you to check if he needed to be changed... (hysterical laughter) and you (panting from laughing so hard) shoved your entire hand down the back of his diaper and it came out covered in poop? It will spread to the entire family, friends, who in turn will share the moment with their family and friends and so on and so on. It will no doubt lead to a lifetime of mockery for you. (Much deserved mockery I may add and just wait until the grandkids find out).

Amigone?

Ok I will admit it I have some strange hobbies, one of them is visiting cemeteries and looking for unusual markers or names listed on head stones. Some people find it weird, morbid and down right creepy. But I find it to be a very relaxing experience. Some cemeteries are so beautiful and peaceful. Others hold such historical significance, or have famous people buried within them. Their final resting places turned into shrines. While others seem to just be there going without a lot of notice. (Rick James for example, The King of Funk, you'd think his grave would attract lots of visitors but it just is not so).

On one of my trips I came across this headstone,




Umm yeah, if I have to venture a guess I would have to say Yes, yes you are gone. This is from a local family that runs a chain of funeral homes no less. The name in combination with the business has always cracked me up. Just to show you that I am not making this up, is the link to their website: www.amigone.com

This is one of those things that I have said over and over I should take a picture of and send in to Jay Leno for one of his bits. I think it might have a good chance of actually making it to the air.