Friday, December 28, 2007

I never would of guessed this.

Color me surprised, never in a million years would I ever think that a road might actually get some water on it during rain.

I don't know what scares me more the thought of a wet road or the fact that there is a sign warning people about it. I mean if they cannot connect those dots they do not deserve to be behind a wheel.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

When you got to go... have to go no matter where you are.
I guess now a days people are just too busy to walk into that coffee shop, or McDonald's to use the restroom. No lets just step into this public urinal on a crowded street where hundreds of people may pass, drop your drawers and piss away.

Hope you don't get stage fright buddy. I hear that these public urinals have been seen in many European cities and even in China. I hope that this European trend (ha!) is not one that comes stateside anytime soon.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!

I am up at arms with those people who are Santa is a bad role model. That Santa needs a make over, saying he is too fat and has a foul mouth. (The ho, ho, ho thing) Get a grip people! Santa is fat, he always was, he should always be this way. I love me some fat Santa. And think about it he needs the extra insulation if he is going to live up there in the frigid temperatures of the North Pole, duh! Ho ho ho is a laugh, the whole "ho meaning whore thing is a new thing in the grand scheme of things).

Santa does not play a part of childhood obesity, nor does it promote it. Poor parenting and letting your kids eat garbage and not kicking their butts outside to play does. When I was young on a nice day I was not allowed to stay inside and play video games or watch television. My mom kicked us outside to play. Going to McDonald's was a treat not a several times a week occurrence. Getting a pizza was a big thing in the house I grew up in.

Please do not attack a man who has only one job. To bring happiness into the lives of children everywhere.

Now while the moms out there wouldn't mind seeing a Santa like this, we surely don't want to see this one at the mall with our little ones on his lap. It is more of a him under the tree with us on his lap kind of thing. ;)

Friday, December 21, 2007

If you need should not reproduce.

Now if you need instructions on how to check a baby's diaper, it probably means that you should not breed. Ever.

While it will cause great amusement for others, "hey honey, remember when Billy was a baby and I asked you to check if he needed to be changed... (hysterical laughter) and you (panting from laughing so hard) shoved your entire hand down the back of his diaper and it came out covered in poop? It will spread to the entire family, friends, who in turn will share the moment with their family and friends and so on and so on. It will no doubt lead to a lifetime of mockery for you. (Much deserved mockery I may add and just wait until the grandkids find out).

Thursday, December 20, 2007

To read or not to read...

I have a deep love of reading, it is one of my most favorite things to do. When I was in the fifth grade my teacher told my mom that I read too much. Yes you heard that correctly, I read too much. I should be out playing while at recess, not sitting on the swing with my nose in a book. Yeah like I’d rather stand there while they boys whipped dodge balls at my head. I don’t think so. Now where did I put that book mark?

My parents of course thought that she was bat shit crazy, and they were happy that their 10 year old was reading on her own for pleasure. I’d like to know how many children do that now a days. Most children would rather be plopped down in front of the television, or plugged into some video game. It saddens me when I hear that children can not demonstrate basic reading skills for their grade level. I feel as if a part of me dies. Reading scores are down for high school seniors, and reading proficiency rates among adults are stagnant or falling. WAKE UP PEOPLE THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM. I mean do we really want the future leaders of our country to be like this man?

My love for reading is something I am instilling in my own children. I love it when I see my oldest daughter reading to her younger sister, or sitting in her favorite chair with a book in her hands. It is a big treat for her when I take her to the book store and let her pick out some new books. So imagine my total and utter disbelief when I seen this sign:

And they wonder why the reading and comprehension rates in this country are falling. I mean this is a book store you’d think one employee or customer would of noticed this error. Maybe, hopefully someone did and it just laziness keeping the correction from being made. My friends a little white out, or sticker could fix that right up. Screw the legal ramifications about customers climbing ladders in the store I’d gladly volunteer to fix it for you.

Keep reading and remember reading less of course, translates into reading less well.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

huked on foniks wurked fer me

This is why my friends the phrase, “Do you want fries with that?” will be an integral part of so many people's vocabulary. Honestly now, if the school cannot even spell education what hope is there for our country's future? If this is the way they are teaching adults I shudder to think what they are doing to our children. And they wonder why grades all over the nation are dropping. I guess I should give them a point for the use of due instead of do. But it still does not make up for the other error.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Yo Gabba Gabba

Anyone else hate this show? My youngest loves it, adores it has to watch it daily, (hooray for the weekends when it is not aired).

I think it is down right creepy. I see this show and want to scream WTF IS THAT? Just look at the characters now if they don't scream sex to you I don't know what will. One looks like a dildo, another a butt plug, one is a pussy cat and the other a patch of hair. (I’ll call him Muffy with the French tickler on his head). The robot with a hole in it. Oh and we cannot forget DJ Lance who "always wears a hat" (nudge nudge, wink wink). What wonderful choices of characters for a show aimed at the pre-school set. I can just see the creators sitting around a television stoned out of their minds in a circle jerk, while lesbian porn is playing on a 42 inch screen. Thinking boy wouldn’t a giant talking and singing dildo make a great character for a kid’s show. I bet Junior would love that.

Yo Gabba Gabba kind of reminds me of a mix between The Banana Splits and those downright freaky Sid and Marty Krofft shows, H.R. Pufnstuff, (what the hell were they puffin' when they thought of this show?), Lidsville, Sigmund and the Sea Monster, Land of the Lost.

All I need now if for her to start singing some of the annoying songs that they sing on this show. For example the Snack song, "Snacky snacky snacky snack, snack" Just those words over and over again. Its enough to cause any sane parent to drive an ice pick into their brain.

Monday, December 17, 2007

If You Can't Differentiate Between "Your" and "You're" You Deserve To Die

Seriously now it is not that hard. Just try it. It is frightening how many individuals fail to understand the difference between the words "you're" and "your".

Let me make this simple for some of you out there.

= It is a contraction, a combination of the words you and are.
For example:
"You're an idiot if you cannot differentiate between the two." ("YOU ARE an idiot if you cannot differentiate between the two.")*

"I don't know what you're talking about." ("I don't know what YOU ARE talking about.")

your =
The word your is the possessive form of you, referring to something that a person has, or something that belongs to the person in discussion (or, the person you are talking to).
For example:
"Is your head wrapping around this concept yet?"
"Your improved grammar will make me very happy."

I swear to you this is a very important thing to learn!
You don't want to end up like this dumb ass.

Now and forever everyone will know that you can't spell with shit. I don't know who is more to blame here with this. The dumb ass that gave the design to the tattoo artist, or the tattoo artist for not noticing the error. I mean one would think that the artist would have picked up on it, after all he/she is permanently altering your body. Or maybe he/she did notice and thought what a dumb shit and that he deserves to be ridiculed for the rest of his life. (I'd like to think the latter, yes I do have a sadistic streak in me).

And please remember don't be a homophobe, homophones are your friends.


Ok I will admit it I have some strange hobbies, one of them is visiting cemeteries and looking for unusual markers or names listed on head stones. Some people find it weird, morbid and down right creepy. But I find it to be a very relaxing experience. Some cemeteries are so beautiful and peaceful. Others hold such historical significance, or have famous people buried within them. Their final resting places turned into shrines. While others seem to just be there going without a lot of notice. (Rick James for example, The King of Funk, you'd think his grave would attract lots of visitors but it just is not so).

On one of my trips I came across this headstone,

Umm yeah, if I have to venture a guess I would have to say Yes, yes you are gone. This is from a local family that runs a chain of funeral homes no less. The name in combination with the business has always cracked me up. Just to show you that I am not making this up, is the link to their website:

This is one of those things that I have said over and over I should take a picture of and send in to Jay Leno for one of his bits. I think it might have a good chance of actually making it to the air.